For my special someone

This is for someone special who has made me feel beautiful as I embark on this adventure of embracing all of me.

Sinful Sunday

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A Different Kind of Love

As I have written about my Parents had issues in their Marriage. My Dad had a Mistress, my Mother was Bipolar she very rarely took her meds if she took them at all. This memory came to me after reading a twitter post by @BibulousOne about cooking dinner for his family. So here is the memory as I recall it.

I was walking into the kitchen when I stopped dead in my tracks. I saw my Mother with her hair down, favorite white blouse with the sleeves rolled up, blue skirt & barefoot standing at the kitchen sink washing vegetables. My Dad had just walked in the backdoor from being outside he had on a blue shirt sleeves rolled up, jeans & work boots on. He walked over to my Mother slid his hands around her waist & nuzzled her neck then he turned her around to face him & I saw my Mother smiling. She looked happy I thought maybe she was on her meds but who knows. I heard my Dad say lets dance my Mother replied there isn’t any music who cares my Dad said we can make are own. She put the knife down on the counter & he took her hand in his she place her other on his waist as he placed his other hand on her waist & they began to waltz.

I watched my Dad lead my Mother follow in this beautiful dance with only the music they could hear. Her blue skirt swirling around her legs as they each looked at each other never looking else where & they moved around the room as if there feet never touched the ground. My Dad held my Mother gently as if she was a delicate flower & my Mother was letting him. As I watched I realized that they were both in sync. Then it was over my Dad kissed her cheek I heard my Mother laugh & tell him to go wash up & get ready for dinner. I watched my Dad walk by me he never said a word. Then my Mother walked over to where I stood I noticed her cheeks where flushed her eyes had a sparkle she looked at me she was smiling as she took my face in her hands & she said Yes my dear we do love each other it is a different kind of love not like in those books that you read where they never have any issues, argue, fight, have imperfections & yes Mistresses. This my dear is a real marriage where there are issues, arguing, fighting, we both have deep imperfections, & yes I have come to accept your Father has a Mistress. So yes my dear this is a different kind of marriage & a different kind of love that works for us both. She then kissed my forehead & said now go in & set the table dinner is almost ready so I walked into the kitchen & set the table.

Looking back I now realize I have never admired my Mother more that I did in that moment.

For 2018 I set a goal to start embracing myself. I tiok this picture & was hesitant to post it & I wanted to delete it bit I did not I posted it first to twitter & now here. So here it is 

Missing my Dad

I miss my Dad every day just some days are better than others. I have days I can hear his laughter, see his smile & hear his voice. I have days where I feel I am loosing his laughter, not able to see his smile & unable to hear his voice. He was & still is my strength, light & love. I know he is always with me just some days I feel him while others I do not as much & I know it is because he knows I am ok & he can back off. I am 49 & still worry I will disappoint him. So yes I still miss him & always will till I take my last breath.  

I will NEVER

Forget the night

My hero

Died

He had to go

To the hospital

For a breathing

Issue

He ended up

Sicker than ever

Expected

My hero stopped

Talking, eating &

Ended up in a

Coma

He would only

Open his eyes

For me

This went on

For a few

Days

I leaned in

& whispered in

His ear that

If he was

Ready I would

Be ok if

He was ready

To let go & drift

Away

It broke my

Heart

To say those

Words to my

Hero

Who always made

Me a priority

& showed me

How a gentleman should

Behave

& always loved

Me unconditionally

So I stood

By his bed

& waited then

It began to

Happen as the

Monitors began to

Go off & his

Blood pressure dropped

Then his heart stopped

Beating

As they all

Rushed in to try

There best to

Save this Man

Then the Doctor

Looked at me

As he called it

My world stopped

My heart & soul

Broke into a

Million pieces

They all moved

Back as I

Walked over &

Took my Hero’s

Hand & leaned

Down & said

I will always

Love & miss

You my Hero

My Dad